SENSING LONELINESS By SpiritualDictionary.com
In this meditation made in 1989 I am being shown various scenes, and a Guide called Ishmael is channeling through Miriam.
Geoff: Okay, I’ve come across a town at nighttime. It’s on a big rolling hill. It’s, like, in the suburbs of somewhere and it’s very misty and quiet. Now, I’ve always had a feeling of loneliness whenever I see something like this. Whenever I’m in an area where I don’t know anybody and its night-time and I drive through the suburbs, or whatever, and everybody’s inside their homes nice and comfortable, I have always felt very lonely. It’s a feeling I’ve had all my life and I don’t know why. And maybe now they want to explain it to me.
I’ve come down and I’m walking along the street. It’s a very nice suburb. There is a strong moonlight. The lonely feeling is because I’m shut off from people. Wherever I go there are beautiful homes with beautiful feelings inside, beautiful vibrations. The area is beautiful, the scenery, the moonlight — everything is beautiful except for this feeling on loneliness and that’s because I have no one to share it with at that time.
I have sat down with my back to a wall with a house behind me. I have quite a nice view in front of me, looking down the hill and there’s a sea at the bottom. I can see the moonlight on the water. But there is nobody around and there is still this feeling of being very lonely. I would go into one of the homes, but I would not like to intrude and I would feel insecure about going into one of their homes and interrupting, in case I wasn’t accepted. I have isolated myself for many years because I do not want to feel rejected or embarrassed. I’m not sure.
Guide: You have such an abundance of love within you and you must give off that love, but you are so afraid of being rejected. You build a wall around you sometimes when you’re away from people that you know.
Geoff: Yes, that’s true. But where does that stem from? Is it just something that I’ve done in this lifetime?
Guide: It is a barrier that you built around you from being very small and, yet, there was no reason, but you were afraid of showing a lot of love because it was not considered quite manly, perhaps, in your eyes.
Guide: Am I getting it wrong?
Geoff: Listen, you’re the expert. (LAUGHS)
Guide: That is what I sense. It is not always easy to show people love and affection in case it is mistaken and taken the wrong way. For you like to give your affection to all, but that does not necessarily mean they have to be real close friends. You wish to give it to everyone, but there is that fear that if you are away and among strangers, it will be taken quite the wrong way.
Geoff: Hmm.
Guide: You sound doubtful.
Geoff: Yes, I was just trying to puzzle it out. Self-conscious, I think, is the word that I would use.
Guide: Yes. Self-conscious in place of rejection.
Geoff: Yes. Yes, it’s very much so.
Guide: But the love that you have has to be given.
Geoff: Hmm.
Guide: It is there in abundance. You give and give and give out love.
Geoff: Where I am at the moment — as the sun comes up, which it is doing now, there is no longer this feeling of loneliness, because people now come outside and I can see them and smile at them, and there is a feeling of being an accepted part of that life.
Guide: Yes.
Geoff: And yet, at night, I assume that I’m not accepted. I shall have to think about that one.
Guide: I think, perhaps, you shall have to get Verna working on you.
Geoff: Now, I have something amusing. I have just been walking through some sort of dry grasses and I came across something, like, five huge toadstools and they are, like, a tortoise shell color and as I got close, they moved off. And I sort of ignored them and carried on, thinking it could be imagination, but they followed me. I have sat down in an opening and these five toadstools are right in front of me — in a semicircle in front of me. Now, these were created by the (spirit) kids. What the kids saw was my feeling just now of loneliness and what they decided to do, under supervision of course, was to make these little friends so that I wouldn’t be lonely.
Guide: (LAUGHING) isn’t the wonderful?
Geoff: Yes, they’re great. (LAUGHING)
Guide: Something to lift you up.
Geoff: Yeah that really is cute. Five giant toadstools. The kids are all behind and they think it’s great. Now, this is something different. I’m totally relaxed with kids in Astral. It’s very different on Earth with children — with anything above baby size, which I haven’t handled before. I’m totally relaxed with, and I get on well with kids in spirit, it’s great fun. And I’m more comfortable with them than I am with adults. That’s interesting. See, I could come across a group of kids and be totally comfortable, but if it were adults, I’d be more aware.
Guide: Yes.
Geoff: And that’s probably because I’m, obviously, more in control with children.
Guide: Yes.
Geoff: Interesting. (LAUGHS) All right, kids are going to scurry off now. They’ve done their little bit.
Geoff: And off they go.
Guide: Lovely.
